I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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