4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
