Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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