He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
