ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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