Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
