Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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