I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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