i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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