How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
