Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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