it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
