i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
