Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
