If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
