you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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