Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
