Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
