I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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