you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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