the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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