Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dick very happy bro
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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