Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
