YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
