Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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