i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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