Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
