Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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