found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
