birth control should be required to get into college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
