Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she told me i tasted like america
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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