jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
