Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
