I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
