Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
