Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
