His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
