Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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