oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
