and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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