We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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