If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
