bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
