i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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