you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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