So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
