dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize