Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
