i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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