I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
