I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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