You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're a waste of cheezeits
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
