see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
