How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Someone signed my nipple.
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