I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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