I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
