do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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