I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just had sex bonerless
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
