i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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