your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
