Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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