i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
