And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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