i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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