i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
