Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let's paint friendship bongs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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