Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
