Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
