You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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