hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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